Adrian's Birthday

Date:  October 10, 2010.

Place:  Regional Hospital.

Time:  Later afternoon.



A distraught woman has just been put asleep for her operation, her husband unable to be with her through this crucial time in their lives.  He desperately clutches at two tiny ceramic hearts…one pink, and one blue.  His eyes are red and strained from crying fits, and he can do little more than look around the room in anxiety.  His thoughts race back and forth, some good memories, and some bad ones.  Like the day they found out she was pregnant.  It had been early in the morning, so…even though he'd been excited, she sprang it on him while he was still half asleep, only able to give her a slow, tired, almost stupid looking grin because of his fatigue.  Or when her cramps had started, keeping her in pain and in bed for HOURS…sometimes a whole day.

He sighed and gripped the two hearts a little harder, silently whispering something as he squeezed his eyes shut to block another wave of tears.  Would she be alright?  Would everything turn out okay?

"Please."  He whispered, "Please, please, please, PLEASE."  But it was already too late.  They'd found out the day prior, and had clung to a tiny, infinitesimal hope, but had found out that very next day how horrifyingly true the first doctor's opinion had been.  Gone.  The little one was GONE, just like that.  They'd only had the baby for two months.  It hadn't even taken on a real GENDER yet…and now it was gone.  His wife had gone through a miscarriage.  A fact that neither the man or woman had wanted to consider being POSSIBLE…but it had happened.  That's why she was being operated on right now.  They had to removed the dead tissue so that his wife wouldn't get infected with something WORSE and make it impossible for them to EVER have children.  He couldn't hold back the ensuing waterfall of tears much longer, and eventually just let them burst out of him.  It was useless to cry and beg and plead like he was doing, but he didn't know what ELSE to do.  His wife had lost their child.  Their FIRST child…and it didn't feel fair at ALL.

… … …when he finally got to see her again, the operation was over and done with.  She was sleeping off the stuff they'd used to make her fall asleep and…looked well.  Her operation had gone fine…she wasn't supposed to get any complications or anything serious.  Just some extra bleeding for a couple weeks.  He gently reached in and grabbed her hand in his own, being careful not to squeeze too carefully.  He didn't want to cause her pain by pressing against the IV needle stuck into her hand.  She opened bleary eyes and looked at him, and he SOMEHOW managed the tiniest of smiles, "…hi…"  He whispered.

She looked at him and closed her eyes again, still needing to sleep some of the drugs off.  He sat and waited for a half hour or so, keeping himself as busy as he could with the room until she was awake enough to talk to him…

…they both cried harder.  The two talked about the child off and on…the dreams they'd had for the little one…the sights they'd never get to see now…but more, where the baby was now.  At one point, the two frowned and started discussing what the child's name would have been.  Since they never knew the gender, they didn't know whether to go boy or girl…and so, thought for a long time over something that a boy OR a girl could be named…and…

His wife thought it up first, "…how about Adrian?"

Her husband smiled and nodded, "I like that.  Adrian…that's a good name."

"Yeah.  It works for a boy or a girl, and it's unique."

"…now…what about a middle name?"  At this point, the two started to think harder, unable to come up with anything more substantial.  And it was the husband's turn to come up with the name, "…what about Grace?"

She frowned, thiking the name over, "…write it out."  She said, motioning to a small chalkboard that was on the wall.  He did, including their last name, and she smiled as he drew a large heart around the whole thing.  At length, she nodded, "Yeah.  Adrian Grace.  That…that works."

The husband nodded, looking it over for a while.  The heart he'd drawn was the reminder of the only point in time they'd seen the child ALIVE.  Back when it was just six weeks in the womb…and they'd only JUST found the heartbeat.  He gripped his two little ceramic hearts again, tears coming to his eyes once more.

His wife sniffed in, needing another hankie as her own tears burst out again.  In between the tears, she cried out, "I want Adrian back!  I want my baby BACK!!!!"  And all her husband could do was hold her and nod in agreement, doing his BEST to keep the tears from coming.  His wife needed someone strong to hold to at that point.  He could cry later.  Right now, he had to tend to the most important family member he had…

But…he told himself something.  Promised himself and his wife silently that he would find a way to let the world know of Adrian.  Let the world know of the shining light they missed.  The child that hadn't made it…that bright beacon that would have thrown the world upside-down in shock.

Hours passed as his wife recovered.  They even tried checking her out of the hospital early, but she collapsed at the nurses' station…and they made her stay an extra hour.  The NEXT time they tried, she made it to the car, and they drove home.  Her husband stared down the road, his thoughts racing a thousand miles an hour as his wife slept in the seat next to him.  They had an hour and a half to go to get home…today was supposed to be Canada's Thanksgiving Day…and…they'd lost the biggest thing that would have ever happened in their lives on THAT day.

On Adrian's birthday.  A miscarriage was another form of birth, according to the textbooks.  It was just a REALLY, REALLY early birth…so…Thanksgiving Day would be Adrian's birthday.

…and the child wouldn't even get to celebrate it.

No.  NO.  He had to make sure that child got SOME sort of gift.  His way of telling the world would be the gift Adrian would get THIS year.  That kid would get a birthday every year just like the ones that got to live their birthdays.  He'd make SURE of it.  But…how would he tell the world?  A story.  The story of his birthday.

Adrian's Birthday…

Which you have just read.



Adrian, thankfully, I know where you are now, and I pray that you'll not hate us for failing you however we did.  Everyone here says the miscarriage wasn't our fault…that it happened because it happened, but deep down, no matter how much I say I know to everyone else, just like my wife, I feel like I'm to blame.  So…Adrian, say hi to my grandfather for me?  And my wife would like you to say hello to some of her grandparents as well…and…wait for us, okay?  When it's our turn to go up and finally meet you face to face, I hope you'll be wearing a smile as big as ours will be.

And Adrian?

…I love you.